74: Vetting the Bed

TRIGGER WARNING: BED. FUCKIN. BUGS.

Ok? Ok.

So Andrew’s friend Nicky has a big problem, which is actually a billion really small problems. Yes, she is experiencing the Greatest City Living Nightmare. She has bed bugs.

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The thing about bed bugs, though, is that they aren’t a sign of a person being gross. They are super industrious little assholes who, like life, WILL FIND A WAY. And, as Nicky very astutely points out in today’s show, they are massively enabled when we, as human people, fail to acknowledge them.

Which is to say, if you have bed bugs, you’d probably better tell everyone around you because otherwise your nightmare will become their nightmare.

Listen to this show (if you dare):

As a bed bug survivor, I had some hot tips for Nicky re: managing and even potentially vanquishing them. Some of those tips are:

  • Diatomaceous earth all up in every tiny little space.

  • Plastic-lined mattress and pillow cases. They make your bed sound like you’re sleeping inside of a Twinkie wrapper but they WORK. And, as a bonus side effect, they keep your mattress ultra-clean, which is cool.

  • If your bed has wooden slats, consider getting new slats entirely.

  • Move anything that COULD get infested into another room or put it in a garbage bag. That includes books, folded linens in the closet, and jackets or coats. Also, may want to dry clean your jackets. They’re probably due for it anyway.

  • Spray the ever-loving hell out of them.

There is light at the end of this truly gross, awful tunnel. You can survive this!

Hanna Brooks Olsen